September 9, 2011 § 1 Comment
In response to my chronically depressing posts, Holly, as my muse and aesthetic dictator, has enforced a thrice monthly Happy Post policy.
I was happy earlier this morning. I woke up at some unpleasant hour which, bereft of a clock since I decided to sleep sideways in order to wear the mattress evenly, I judged from the colour of the light in the room and the density of the traffic flying past my window to be about 6am. Empirically, I have settled on the knowledge that the light gradually gets brighter and becomes full-blown day, reaching nightmarish proportions at around 1pm. The traffic reaches an apogee about 9am, and then thins again, this later stage being characterised by whizzing rather than stop-start rumbling. If a third indicator of greater social routine is required, the advent of plane take off and landing occurs at 5.30am, a fourth indicator being the presence or otherwise of children in the schoolyard opposite to my unit. Using these discretionary devices, it is possible under most circumstances to judge the time to within the hour – a level of accuracy which is dangerously useless; a lot about my personality can be garnered from the fact that I have not seen to it to turn the clock around. The sense of happiness I experienced at this time (or so) was as a direct result 0f categorically fucking off almost everything you or I could possibly think of and going back to sleep.
This is patently untenable as a plan for a positive and fulfilling future. Attaining a sense of happiness through exclusion from all enforced modes of subjectivity and any form of formal opposition to those modes, and modes in and of themselves is a paradox one cannot easily see a way out of. I guess I seem like a miserable boob but on the positive side I genuinely do enjoy doing absolutely nothing.
I think I am over writing and study for now. I am in a fug and I am not sure which direction to take. The only options are work or some different kind of study, like a Fine Arts diploma. I know I can’t go on studying hobbies forever though, I need to work so that I can get a ferret.