Revival

May 15, 2012 § Leave a comment

God I’m drunk and awful.

The marks that are bad are not worth very much at all.  It might still be possible to get through if I stop excessively playing games on the internet, writing this blog, twittering and so on.  I’m actually really scared this time in a way that can only be expressed with brown.

-> You don’t really enjoy it any more, the philosophy course is too advanced, and the net stuff makes you feel warm and popular, but you have to give it up or you are going to fail.  Just approach the next month as a challenge: to stop fucking around and try, if possible, to pass.  It can just be our private little deal:  51/100.  No stuffing around, no thinking these theories are daft, just actually try.  I know you must be struggling with this very badly, when so many things have gone wrong for you in your life because you just seemed uncomfortably and unfortunately SMARTER and MORE CREATIVE than you should be (everything: school, friendships, being female, EVERYTHING) but just because you are smarter than a lot of people does not mean you are brilliant.  You’d have to agree, kiddo, it was a pretty tall ask, every last bit.  Also you wouldn’t even be putting on here how fucking wrecked you are about this so I think  it would be a good idea for you to see the counsellor.  Remember those nights when you slept with the bottle of Johnny Walker alongside the bed, and you didn’t think you would ever smile again, ever?  I know it went on for too long, far too long, but were you right?

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