Another Year In Thought
May 26, 2012 § Leave a comment
The past week has been a process of embracing my total dumbness and re-calibrating my entire self, basically, to sit firmly within the parameters of externally-defined average. We folk. Specialness can be a true creative effort in these realms. I have been trying to rouse my own interest in something, anything, to pass the hours. I have a truly colossal music library, which I have meticulously sourced and sorted like a horny finch over a pile of sticks, but when it comes to it, I feel disinclined to actually listen to any of it, and flick from one track to the next after the first few bars. Music. No matter the genre, it is making reference to a host of emotions I haven’t experienced since my early twenties, and would rather not be reminded of. Or worse, it is “depressing” music. I don’t have the energy to be actively sad either.
I have been rolling around in the blankets enjoying my freedom from conscription and overt slavery or persecution. And while many of the things I can confirm I do still experience – such as cold, periodic hunger for food and the need to pass urine – have been deferred into complex systems of wealth and social organisation, I wonder if it could ever not be this way, and whether the capacity for ignorance could therefore be the most valuable of all the human potentials, as I reach for what is probably the definer of all true things at present: codeine. When you sleep all day, stare at the wall, stare at the computer, massage the block of concrete in your chest, contemplate the perceived magic of childhood, and, with casual connoisseurship, inhale your own farts, you get a headache. When you get a headache you can only think about not having a headache, and would burn half a rainforest for something that works, ie. not any of the joke medicines that can’t be converted to heroin with a PhD and some coffee filters. I have no idea how to make codeine, and as such the whiteness and smoothness has secured itself in my psyche as the transcendental properties of an Earthbound god. And yes, yes indeed: I vote.